FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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