i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize