My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
