I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i believe in u and ur pee
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