I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
