why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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