why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
