Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
