She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
