Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
