I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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