Im at strip club and am horny
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
