just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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