i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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