There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
