Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
