My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
