You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
