this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
