Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
