im gay
i know
yea but for you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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