did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need moral support for this bender
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
