I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
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