Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it was like eating out sand paper
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
