I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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