Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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