A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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