Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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