I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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