ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
