I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
