She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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