I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
