I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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