Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
