if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
