my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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