herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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