Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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