loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
