It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
