so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
