My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
