No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize