Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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