you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
