On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
