im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
