omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
