You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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