all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
