Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
