oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My life is pants optional.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
