mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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