i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
