uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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