And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize