I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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