worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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