all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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