After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
