You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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