How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
