All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
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Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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