O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
