The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
