Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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