Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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